When you find your passion, it can be amazing that you have lived for so long without it.
For anyone who doesn't know, I've been playing the fiddle for about a year. I emailed a classical violin studio and asked if they knew anyone who would be willing to teach me. My grandfather had leant me one of his fiddles after I had expressed interest in learning, but I knew Youtube videos could only get me so far. I had some pretty fundamental problems with my bow hold and tone or whatever and I knew a teacher would help me immensely.
But that's neither here nor there.
Point is, in that very short period of time I have fallen in love with the fiddle. If you told me a year ago that I would be playing everyday for minimum and hour I would be shocked. But honestly, I can't play for any less time. If I miss a day for some reason, my hands get itchy. It feels like an addition, all I can think about is playing the fiddle, I have tunes and licks stuck in my head, I start brainstorming different improvinsations I could add to certain parts, I start trying to transcribe different songs. Sometimes this will happen on days I've already practiced, I just need a little bit more.
I've never felt this way about anyting before. I've had a lot of hobbies, but nothing has had this primal urge like I do with the fiddle. I don't even like bluegrass that much, but there is something in the movement or maybe in the way that the instrument sings that is almost religious. Every day I go through my ritual of setting up my music, rosining the bow, tuning, scales and by the end I'm in this mindset that I can't reach anywhere else.
I took me a while, but I've realized this is what passion feels like. This is what it feels like to find that thing that you love above all else, your calling.
Very recently, I've made the decsion that fiddling is something that I would like to pursue professionally. Which anyone who know anything about the violin will tell you that going from knowing nothing to trying to be a profession in one year is absurd, and they're right. I still have a lot to learn and a lot I can improve in, but I've gotten farther than most in that year, and I think we can keep that mommentum.
So I've been talking to the woman who owns my violin studio because she used to be/still is a professional fiddler. She has played in a whole bunch of different bluegrass/country bands and she knows a lot about the industry. I had my first practice with her today to talk about my goals and where I want to go with this. Overall, it made me realize that I need to spend more time thinking about my specific goals other than "fiddler," but we also spent some time exploring fiddle technique.
My current teacher is a classically trained violinist, with a lot less fiddling experince, and that has definetly rubbed off onto my technique, but the most instresting part was when we were talking about playing with other insturments. We played "Liberty" together, with two fiddles as a demostration and I wasn't quite prepared for how it made me feel. Liberty is one of the first fiddle songs I'd memorized and it's one I play a lot if I feel that I've been working on too many hard pieces and need to come home, but it sounds so amazing with two instruments. My heart was beating so fast the whole time we were playing it, I was trying so hard to stay focused and keep the rythum. I spent the rest of our session trying not to cry.
I knew that I loved playing the fiddle, but I had no idea that I would playing with other people even more. Liberty is a short little song, but it still felt so amazing.
But I've been waxxing poetic for too long. The reasong I'm even writting this post is because of I conversation I had with my mom an hour later. I was telling her how amazing this practice was and my plans to make it a career and she told me,
"You know you don't have to do this professionally? You could just do it as a hobby."
What?
This confussed me. I love this more than I have loved anything before, why wouldn't I pursue it?
I think what my mother was trying to tell me, is that pursuing music is a difficult path. And I know that. Everyone I have ever talked about this to has told me that, and their right. It will be a difficult path. But just because I have the option to walk away, does that mean I should? Just because something is difficult, should I ignore it to work some meaningless desk job? Does a dog run from it's master just because it's off the leash?
I'm not sure my life would be the same without the fiddle, or without music, in some capasity. I know this is something I will do forever, even if I dont' do it professionally. But I don't think my mom understands that I don't give up my love so easily. I know that path that I have choosen is a rocky one, but I got my boots straped and I'm ready to climb.
I'm hoping to attend a jam session soon, I'll keep you posted.
Peace.
